Platonic or Platonot...

I always question the possiblity of developing purely platonic relationships, especially with two attractive people. Is it possible for a man and women to be simply friends when we are designed by nature to be physically attracted to one another? From what I've learned and experienced I would have to say it really depends on how and when you met. When I sat down to write this post, I thought platonic relationships are deifnitely possible! I have a lot of male friends! However, platonic by nature means that if given the opportunity neither party would jump at the chance to get in the other's pants. So I started to reevaluate my long list of guy friends and began crossing off people for reasons such as , "if we both had too much to drink, yea he'd definately try something" "if he didn't have a gf, yea he'd probably ask me out" By the end of this process I had approximately 3 guys who I think are completely platonic.
In most situations, an attraction between two people is present from day 1, but sometimes circumstance makes us push that feeling into the back of your mind to just look at someone in a friendly manner. He is a co-worker, a playboy...someone else's boyfriend. Anyways, the problem with this tactic is that many times these feelings can resurface with a vengeance. It's like trying to sink a piece of wood...it will stay under water if you constantly hold it down but the minute you let up, it's back floating at the top. So I think platonic relationships might actually be possible but they require a lot of work to keep them that way.
Knowing one's limits is definitely key because the moment one party forgets to maintain control, a non-platonic relatinship will probably resurface placing the entire relationship in jeopardy.

Lemon Law

Why is it that there is not a lemon law applicable to men? For those of you who don’t know what a lemon law is:A law obligating manufacturers or sellers to repair, replace, or refund the price of motor vehicles that prove to be defective.Doesn’t it make more sense to get protection for something that doesn’t depreciate as soon as you drive it off the lot? In many cases it seems that after you decide to buy (i.e. establish exclusivity) with a man, you always concurrently find something drastically wrong. There could be minor problems such as beginning to completely ignore you when a sporting event comes on, to the more difficult ones such as sexual dysfunction. If you are like me, I don’t like to give the milk out for free, so only when someone becomes a boyfriend will I have the opportunity to find out the latter of these two. This style of interaction tends to pose a significant problem. Now I like the guy as a lot, however if there is a problem…down there…then I’m placed in a sticky situation. (Excuse the pun) It really is just extremely selfish of men…If you have a serious insurmountable problem for most women you should disclose that information before the relationship gets serious. I am entering the relationship with the understanding of certain principles and to me that is considered a contract.I now have a few options to resolve this quandary…1. I can stick with him and see if the problem is correctable. Problem: Usually men are consistent beings and incapable of correcting a deficiency. 2. You can get rid of him completely. Problem: You want to get a similar man without his problem but that is virtually impossible. Furthermore, one of the basic laws in nature states that “Once you get rid of a man, more than likely you won’t have any viable ones waiting in the background.” Just one of the laws that we must accept ladies.As you can see, there does not seem to be a solution, which is why there should be a lemon law. After I find a problem with the current boyfriend, no matter how small…I want to trade him in to get a problem free model. Same stats, same personality, etc… minus the problem. I think everyone should write to his or her congressman to lobby for this change immediately….If we can get a new car for a repeated broken seatbelt, we should at least be able to get another boyfriend who isn’t completely inept.

Boys and Burners

So I received a hysterical call from one of my friends last week in the midst of her panic attack that was induced by the fear that she was going to end up alone. My first inclination was to reassure her that she wasn’t and that she still has plenty of time to find someone because she’s only 24. I failed to mention the fact that I just read in a Glamour magazine that the average age most women marry is 25. After reading the article my initial reaction was “cut the crap”…only people in the Midwest marry that young and I will discard this erroneous statistic as soon as I finish reading the do’s and don’t section for this spring. After reconsidering however, I may be in more trouble than I previously thought.Many of my friends are in really serious relationships that may definitely lead to marriage. I on the other hand, go through a cycle:1. Date someone I really don’t like all that much.2. Convince myself that I really do like them for various reasons.3. Six months later realize it’s not working.My saving grace is that I keep men on burners. Every woman should know the concept of a burner since men regularly do this to ensure their future happiness. Think of it like a stove…you put the pots you’re actually using on burners that are closest to you. Sometimes, if you’re lazy like I am, pots that you used a month ago are still located on those back burners until I am ready to use them again. I routinely do this with men so that I can hang out with them months after I proclaim, “this isn’t working for me.” The only problem with this is that you have to pray to God that you watch the pot you’re currently using very carefully to ensure that it does not overflow onto the rest of the stove. If too much liquid gets into the other burners, you may have to spring for another stove…and no one likes to have all their work/effort go in vain. My advice is to pay close attention and put a lid on the ones currently in use.

Men and Handbags

A post I wrote a while ago...

So I was advising my friend the other day about her boy situation, while also discussing my own, and I realized that girls do very unnatural things in terms of relationships. She was telling me about this guy who adores her, but rarely asks her on dates. Attempting to analyze his motives was stressing her out, so she was going to drop him. I immediately responded with, “Why would you do that??!” It didn’t make any sense that she would stop dating a guy who treated her fabulously when she was with him. I then told her about my sexy “friend” who I have been talking to over the past month who is the epitome of hot and cold . . . who also has the tendency to just be full of shit. Excuse my French. He is not only a great resource in terms of intellect but also a nice piece of eye candy. Anyway, I don’t know why, but he seems to serve a useful function so I thought, why would I get rid of him . . .Now I parallel this conversation to one on handbags. Men really are nothing more than a great accessory. Easily comparable to a handbag. The fun sexy ones are like a new trendy Valentino bag. Everyone notices when you get a new one, and they are always flashy and gorgeous. I absolutely love one, when I can afford one. You could also go with the smart and conservative guy that is as dependable and reliable as a Fendi - never goes out of style and is always a classic addition to any girl’s closet. You also encounter the guy that is just pure fun, childish at times, but brings out that kid in you – a Juicy Couture Bag. What I think I ultimately want in a guy is more along the lines of someone who treats me fabulously, compliments me nicely, and provides me with some sense of security and reliability. Somehow I would compare this to my Louis Vuitton. If I ever need a quick bag at the last minute, Louis is it. It goes with everything and is always impressive. A timeless classic that will never go out of style. Now girls (who are dating) . . . my point is to stop trying to make all boys fit all purposes. More than likely you’re not going to find a Louis each time you go out. Let the situation flow naturally and accept your guy for who he is and identify his purpose in your life. You wouldn’t carry an evening bag to class, so why try to make a boyfriend out of Rico Suave you met at the club last Saturday night? Dating should be fun and as long as you are having fun, keep him around. I think this year my goal is to become the best accessorized girl in Boston . . . in terms of handbags and men!

Birthdays or Christmas...

So I was thinking about *ahem* sexual favors and expectations and quite frankly I'm a little confused. Granted, I'm 25 yrs old and am well aware of the quid pro quo generally associated with the act, but considering how frequently it is offered these days...I'm trying to get some clarification. Let's be real, some men give out favors as frequently as politicians give out bumper stickers. I truely think this type of gift has replaced the whole gesture of flowers and candy sometimes. Not that I'm complaining, but when you give a girl flowers and candy do you ever expect her to give you the same in return? Probably not. Men are quick to offer the favor and then when you don't reciprocate are just as quick to call you selfish. Are women supposed to know that men expect a gift in return, even if he said one wasn't required prior to the act?

As such, it got me thinking...Do men think that giving sexual favors should be more like birthdays or Christmas? Is it just known that there is a mutual exchange of gifts, or is it ever ok for me to accept my gift and say thank you with a smile and a hug, as I would do on my birthday. I'm starting to think that some men are just being sneaky twits when they say "don't worry about it" thinking that either she'd return the favor or do something more. I don't know how they were raised but my mother always told me that you really should say what you mean and mean what you say...so I don't really understand the problem. Why do men think a woman is selfish if she didn't even ask for him to do it in the first place! Maybe as women we really should enforce the 'No" the second and third time he offers. When you think about it though, this isn't even logical if the first gift was beyond amazing...that would be equivalent to me turning down a gift knowing that last year's gift was a prada wallet. Besides...it's bad manners to look at gift horse in the mouth :-)


**Just a devils advocate piece...not condoning casually accepting favors unless that's what you want to do and if it is...do you!

My First Time!

Ok, so this is my first blog entry on my own site. Yes, I've guest blogged numerous times on my friend's blog, who is absolutely amazing (check our Margarita at: http://www.smoresandmargaritas.blogspot.com/) , about relationships and gender specific topics. I have never professed to know the absolute truth about anything, but 'Elle' truth is another story. In my life I've learned a few things in relation to girls and guys that I just feel compelled to share occasionally. Usually I'm from the camp that thinks it's best to tell people what they want to hear and then go do whatever you want, but with my blog I think I'm going to do and say exactly what I want 100% of the time simply because I can.
It's scary though because having your own site is like having your own child or pet, which at this point in my life are one in the same to me. You're a little more careful about what you say and how you treat it because it's simply your own. I might slightly nudge someone else's puppy who is beyond annoying- getting their dog hair all over my new DKNY pants and licking my Marc Jacobs bag. Did the owner really think I wanted to walk around looking like a hairball and smelling like dog breath? However, if I had my own puppy I would probably let it sit in my bag and if anyone dared kick it, I would proceed to escort them out of my apt with a swift kick to the behind. When something is your own it requires more responsibility, but the funny thing is that care is effortlessly put forth out of love. As such, I'm going to probably treat my blog like a new puppy...I'll probably forget to feed it once in a while and that I left it at home while on my way to spending a weekend in the Hamptons with friends but please bear with me. I will eventually get this right :-) xoxo Elle