Chronicles of Elle

Birmingham, England and my mental i-pod

2009-11-30T15:40:00.000-08:00

So today was the first time that I encountered people who actually commented on my accent. You know immediately that someone is thinking about your accent when a small smirk pops up on their face as they try not to notice. The English seemed completely entertained by how I pronounced certain words. It’s funny though because you always want to know whether or not your accent is a pretty one (i.e. Italian or British) or an ugly one (i.e. German) I wanted to ask but I didn’t think anyone would have been impolite enough to give me an honest answer. I decided to just go ahead and ask the guy I was talking to in the bar to imitate what he thought an American accent sounds like. At first he just laughed but then obliged... his imitation sounded more southern than any rendition I’ve ever heard. He said mine was ‘lovely’ though. Although I think he was just flirting…he knew damn well he thought I sounded the same way.

What’s strange is that their accent was so thick that at times it was almost like they were speaking another language. I had to focus more on the conversation and realized rather early on that I could easily tune them out. Perhaps, I should marry someone English because then when I don’t want to hear what they had to say I wouldn’t have to. It’s like putting in your ipod minus the music. During an argument I could just tune out, i.e. hit play, and when they were done yelling, tune back in. Yes, this is what I’m going to do. I’m off to London now, so Priority #1 is officially finding a boy who likes me enough to move across the ocean to live in the US. Hmph…I can’t even find one now who will buy me flowers. This one might be tough…

Amsterdam...well it was no Barcelona

2009-11-29T10:24:00.000-08:00

I arrive in Amsterdam the next morning and it was so cold I could see my breath. I left high 60 degree weather for this!? I get to the hotel and it is definitely not something I would have typically stayed in. I walked into the lobby and the staff had put up their Dutch Christmas decorations…6 Black elves with bright red lips on this big table as soon as you walk into the lobby. Yea so apparently their definition of holiday decorations come in the form of black satire lol. To be fair though the Dutch were very nice people so I don’t want to be too harsh. But then again, I felt like taking out my flat iron and smashing them all into little pieces. Who-gonna-check-me-boo! Well, actually they might have by making me check out and being homeless in a foreign country can’t be good. As such, I decided to reserve renegade Lauren for another time.

After dinner my manager and I go to downtown Amsterdam to go to the Anne Frank house and the Rijks Musem. Both were fabulous; however walking around after we apparently hit the tourist district and the smell of weed hit my face harder than a brick. It was so funny seeing people smoke openly like that. Then we hit the sex stores and I must say that it was so uncomfortable to walk in front of those with your boss. Clearly we both saw them, but we both said absolutely nothing. Good choice because nothing was the most appropriate conversation. Off to London …although home is starting to sound good after all this traveling.

Hasta Luego Barcelona

2009-11-29T10:15:00.000-08:00

I left Barcelona feeling absolutely great. My last night there I went out for tapas and wine and met a girl who was traveling around the world because she got a divorce last month. I mean her situation was unfortunate, but it wasn’t for me since I didn’t have to eat dinner by myself on Thanksgiving :) She had all these stories too and it was like I was at the movie theater listening to a tragic story. She was clearly still upset about her breakup so she was doing all the talking while I was eating and drinking. Just how I like it...free entertainment for Elle! I kind of wanted to exchange contact information just so I could keep tabs on how everything turned out. A few seconds later I realized that I didn't really care and that I was so interested simply because I hadn't had social entertainment in a week.

So after, I was feeling good and decided to go get a coffee at this café next to my hotel. The waiter spoke only Spanish, but he was cute so I decided to stay. I don’t know whether it was the 2 glasses or wine at dinner or luck but we spoke for over an hour entirely in Spanish! I was so impressed with myself…Margarita you would have been proud. On the check, I decided to leave the message: "If you ever want to practice your English...[Insert Elle's email]. I don't know why I did that, but I just figured it didn't even matter because I wasn't going to ever see him again. Get this though...he still hasn't emailed me! Who does he think he is??...I'm like world travel corporate barbie. He better get with the program...eso pequeno mierda.

Patisserie in Barcelona...who needs France?!

2009-11-25T10:44:00.000-08:00

So tonight I wandered around in search of food and came across a patisserie. When I walked in it felt like something out of a French movie. Shiny glass containers filled with pastry dough stuffed with any type of filling you wanted, cute silver coffee mugs and white chairs. I would have stayed if I didn’t suffer from the “I feel stupid eating alone” complex. Since I do though, I just took my spinach wrapped in pastry dough to go. On the way out I took a bite and it was amazing! I literally turned back around and went and ordered this giant chocolate croissant as well. The cashier smiled and said, “Te gusta si?! Hell yea I liked it…you see my fat ass didn’t even reach the door before I went back for more! That little prick knows that it happens to atleast 40% of the people that come in there…don’t’ act like I’m an anomaly. They probably have a little chalkboard behind the register to keep a tally. Half way back to the hotel I walked past a mirror and wanted to die. There was powdered sugar all over my face and my navy blue coat. I looked like I just had a fight with a bag of flour. :-/

Barcelona Day 2

2009-11-24T11:31:00.000-08:00

Well jet lag officially caught up with me and I literally saw the clock change every hour last night. Needless to say, when I received my wake-up call this morning I couldn’t have been more shocked if I woke up in Morocco. I literally had no idea where I was or why this lady was talking to me in Spanish, for a good 30 seconds. After I realized where I was I decided to go down stairs for the complimentary breakfast, which I noticed was quite a spread for free. (Later I realized that ish was in fact not free and cost 15 Euros which is about 22 dollars) Guess the word "free" doesn't translate well...

So I go back to room and get dressed. Now what I read on websites was that the Spanish, particularly Barcelonans wear a rather formal dress attire to work, so I decided to go with a suit. I don’t know what whack job blogs I was reading because I didn’t encounter anyone who had a suit on today. Maybe that happens in the financial world here, but I’d say as a general rule of thumb that people dressed business casual. Definitely wearing pants and a sweater combo tomorrow!

So I get to the customer's office and I think my guide thought I spoke more Spanish than I actually did today because during out customer visits we spoke only in Spanish. I tried to gather what I could, but dude…I told you I wasn’t fluent. The worst is when you can tell, simply because of the inflection in someone’s voice, that they asked you a question that they expect an answer to and you have no idea what they said. That happened to me at least 20 times today. I was like dammit…I need a translator for my translator! So I managed to get through the visits and ended up picking up a lot of information after I focused a little bit more.

At the end of our visits we had a late lunch by the water, which was really nice. I thought he was going to take me to a traditional Catalan/Barcelonan restaurant but we had Thai haha. It was good but I definitely don’t know what the meat was that I ate. I didn’t want to be rude though so I ate it, but I definitely would not have eaten that if he were not present. I almost hurled as the fatty meat slid down my throat, but I am a professional dammit so I pulled it together!

So I wanted to go out tonight to walk around again but my manager informed me that he was at dinner now and that he would call me in an hour. So unfortunately I have to stay here and wait on his call. Doesn’t he know that there is a TopShop across the street calling my name!?

First Leg of European Adventure...Spain!

2009-11-23T06:50:00.000-08:00

So the trip started off fabulous. I called for a cab and they sent a black town car. Secretly inside I was more excited than I probably should have been. I know that sounds a bit snobby but I felt ultra important when I rolled my stuff out to the car this morning in front of my neighbor. So I get on my first connection and I look at the guy loading the bags and instantly think that’s I’d rather someone else do his job for various reasons. I shook it off though because I agreed that I will be” go with the flow Elle” for the entire trip.

The second connection, from Detroit to Amsterdam, was pretty good as well. The flight was connected to Mumbai though so you know people bought their dinners on the flight and everything smelled like it had a bottle full of curry in it. I want to know how they even got that ish through check-in when I have a bottle of liquid hair spray that is 3.6oz that wasn’t accepted?

I get off the plane and am in Spain! I’ve never been anywhere in Europe before, so this trip is very momentous to me. The airport is rather easy to navigate though and I found baggage claim pretty effortlessly. 5 minutes rolls by , 10 minutes, 30 minutes…still no luggage. I forget all about the new “go with the flow Elle” and immediately begin to panic and think about the 7 pairs of shoes that might be lost in oblivion! This is exactly why I didn’t pack certain items that would cause my world to come crashing down if they were lost. ..i.e. my tall brown boots that make me feel like a “Who-gonna-check-me-boo” kinda girl. (That last comment was lost on any of you who don’t watch real housewives of Atlanta)

I manage to find the lost and found and don’t even try to speak Spanish…I just told the receptionist that she will have to understand English today because I was entirely too frustrated and angry to try to formulate Spanish sentences. Lucky for her and me that she didn’t counter my blatant disregard for the fact that I was in a Spanish speaking country with flippancy. She just smiled and tapped her keyboard until she responded with “Oh…I found your bag!” A sense of relief overcame me and I asked her where I could go pick it up. The relief didn’t last long …she told me my crap was still in Amsterdam and that it would be here tonight at 11pm. FML. Did the airline not know that I had a Flamengo dance/dinner planned for tonight that I now can’t go to because I only have the clothes on my back?

Well, I decided that I was not going to let it ruin my day, so I find my hotel and sign up to go on this tour bus. Barcelona really is gorgeous and the buildings are architecturally exquisite. The only down side was that everyone was coupled off and I felt like they were looking at me like I was a societal reject without friends or boyfriend. Okay, so they were right about the latter, but friends…no, friends I got. I only wish Terry and Vanilla Bean (Margarita’s new nickname) could have been here too. A margarita just won’t be the same without them

I'm going to Europe!

2009-11-20T19:42:00.000-08:00

Okay, so I know I've been MIA for a lonnnnng time. I'm going to Europe though and I do plan to blog about it on a daily basis if possible. I'm sure it will be a comical disaster (thanks Margarita) so I'm sure it will at least give you a laugh for the day :) Stay tuned!

The Gym = Hell

2009-05-04T12:50:00.001-07:00

This morning I woke up with an urge to go running. Anyone who knows me, knows that this is extremely atypical. I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I haven't stepped in the gym since early November...yikes! I know what you're thinking, you must be a fat beast by this point. Instead of going to the gym though, I decided to just go on this healthy eating kick that inadvertently caused me to lose more weight than I ever could have at the gym.

However, considering summer is approaching, I did notice that I was not as tone as I would like. I wouldn't put a bikini on for a million dollars right now. Hmm..ok so who am I kidding. I'm a broke b-school student...I'd probably put one on for $25 right now.

Anyway, so I decided to finally return to the gym and as soon as I got there, I regretted it. This influx of laughing skinny girls walked by me as soon as I passed the entrance and I immediately felt sub par. Why are they even here and why are they happy?! If I looked like them, I guarantee I would have been sitting on my couch shoveling in the ice cream. God knew not to make me skinny because I'm sure I'd have high cholesterol, hypertension and diabetes by the age of 30 if I knew I could eat whatever I wanted without gaining a pound.

So I find a treadmill, put in my ipod and start to run. I'm noticing that I'm feeling surprisingly well! Hmm...4.50 mins in, I'm realizing that my chest is burning. I decide to push through it and at 7mins I have no choice but to stop. I'm breathing like a 200lb woman and there is only one word to describe my performance: pathetic. I think I'll go back tomorrow and try again though...operative word is think.

You want to come over when?...

2009-04-30T21:50:00.000-07:00

Yesterday my friend and I were trying to make plans for the evening and it made me question things. I hadn’t seen him in a while, but I didn’t have anything in particular that I wanted to do. As such, I told him to give me a call if he thought of anything fun. He texts me to let me know he is going to a bar in Boston and if I wanna come, just let him know. At this point it was 10pm and that’s actually pretty late to decide to go somewhere when everything shuts down at 2am. (Oh how I miss New York at times like this). 10 minutes pass and he texts me back saying after he leaves the bar he plans to come through, if that’s cool. Hmm…come through…what does that mean?! Come through for what??...2 words: umm no.

As a little back story, this friend has never been to my place, which isn’t rare since it’s all of 400 square feet. If I invite people over, I immediately begin to feel claustrophobic. He has tried to invite himself up on another occasion, but I promptly told him I don’t do ‘pop-ins’ because my apartment wasn’t up to my cleanliness standards for a guest. I really didn’t think anything of it, considering we just left a bar and went dutch for the drinks. (I take this as a sign that the encounter was platonic, which I wanted)

Anyways, nervously I told him that I plan to just go grab a drink with a friend at a bar down the street instead. What was he thinking…I am a lady…a jewel that should be viewed in the highest regard! Okay well maybe that’s a bit much, but I do think there are actions that are either acceptable or unacceptable in dealing with platonic relationships. I am certainly not letting a guy friend come over, who I barely hang out with, that late! A few issues…

1. If we’re just friends, which I thought we were…you are not coming over my apartment at 11 or 12am. I have nothing to say or do with a guy friend in that time block that would fall under the platonic umbrella. Now, I have made exceptions for extremely close guy friends who: have been kicked out of their apartments by significant others or need a place to crash if they’re out of town.

2. If you want to be more than friends, which I subconsciously suspected on more than one occasion from the guy aforementioned, coming over to my apartment is not acceptable you cheap bastard. I require to be taken on dates before that can happen…and 12 am is really unacceptable! A girl needs to be wined and dined and let me say that this girl likes Cabernet Sauvignon and crab cakes.

Recession Tip

2009-04-12T19:18:00.000-07:00

I was watching the Today show and Kathy Lee and Hoda suggested using Vanilla extract as a perfume LOL. They said men typically love the smell of vanilla during studies. I actually want to see if this works so I'm going to try it. I guess the way to a man's heart really might be through his stomach. I wonder if anyone else has tried this...

I'll keep you posted with the results though!

Wedding Proposal on the Horizon...

2009-04-07T18:41:00.001-07:00

So I had this conversation with a guy friend and thought because of its comical nature I would share hehe...

Me: So, what are you doing?
Dante: Sewing
Me: What?! You sew? Maybe I will propose to you.
Dante: So what's this about you proposing?
Me: Well you can sew, cook and do laundry. I'm assuming you can do yard stuff and kill bugs too.
Dante: Yup
Me: And you're 'kinda' cute. What else do you need in a man?
Dante: Sexual Prowess?
Me: I think you'd be okay in that too. Got anything else?
Dante: Honor. Loyalty.
Me: Ehh, not as important as that other stuff. Anything else that's tangible? Like Napoleon Dyanmite, "skills"?
Dante: lol...I see
Me: Oh u also know martial arts and can use a gun, so u can protect me. Done! When is a good day for the proposal? haha

Tip of the Day

2009-03-25T11:20:00.000-07:00

I'm soooo not a fan of the act of people guessing your weight. Guys seem to do this pretty frequently and I hate it! I'm assuming it's just because they don't have the same hang ups as women do about weight, but come on. You guess too high and I immediately give you the death stare, while you stand there looking confused.
My uncle did it when I was home for vacation and my friend proceeded to do it yesterday. It's like some sick joke that only they think is funny. Tip of the day guys...no girl wants you to guess their weight...EVER! It's really not a good situation for you to be in at all. I am not a side show act in a carnival who will give you a prize if you can guess my weight. The only prize you will get from me is an attitude problem and me wishing you would just leave. Hmm...wonder if Abbra Kadabra would work in this situation? ;)

Chivalry vs. Equal Rights...

2009-03-23T09:39:00.001-07:00

So I’m just wondering…when did equal rights start becoming an argument against acting like a gentleman? I was at the grocery store with a guy friend the other day when he made a big deal about carrying my bag. I was like you have to be kidding me…are you really going to make me carry this bag when you’re standing here carrying nothing?! You would have thought that I just asked him to schedule me an appointment with the Dalai Lama. In the end he did carry the bag, but I was so disgusting by the fact that 1. I had to ask and 2. he made a big deal about it stating "women always want equal rights until it’s inconvenient for them!" Do men really feel this way? And if they do, how do they possibly get girls this way?

When my brother was growing up we made a point of teaching him the importance of being a gentleman, so now he has a girlfriend who raves about how well he treats her. He opens doors, picks up the tab when they are out, buys flowers for her and her mom when he comes back from school during break etc. I personally think we did a fabulous job! Don't get me wrong; I don’t think it should be unrequited by any means. His girlfriend returns the gestures by bringing over his favorite baked goods, getting him thoughtful little gifts and just being a great woman overall. I get the impression that they both feel lucky to have each other.

Overall, I just don’t get the big deal…

I should be kicked out of Boston...

2009-03-18T18:39:00.000-07:00

This is the second year that I've been in Boston and had to miss St. Patrick's Day celebrations! I am not happy considering I had such high hopes of going out and enjoying the day. Green shirt-check, green ribbon-check, green socks-check. I had all intentions of really doing it big this year, until I got placed in a group for class that decided to switch topics one week before the presentation. I know that I'm graduating and I should have just gone out anyway, but I've never really been a fan of standing in front of class looking like an ill prepared slacker. My group entirely consists of 2nd year MBA students, so I guess I brought this one myself...I knew I should have thrown a few overachieving first years into the mix :(

Random Thought...Pet Names?

2009-03-13T22:02:00.000-07:00

I’ve never been one to like pet names. Some guys call you them so they don’t mix up your names with the other girls they are dating or they just seem to have a penchant for them. I should probably take a page out of their book considering I recently called a guy by someone else’s name on more than one occasion….oops!

Either way…just don’t do it with me if the name is anything other than babe or baby. I’ve had guys call me cupcake, darling, sugar plum and I literally cringe when it comes out of their mouths. Maybe I’m just cold-hearted but I literally can’t stand it. However, last night a friend said ‘goodnight gorgeous’ and I actually smiled and thought it was the sweetest thing. I don’t know…I think I just have a problem when pet names make me sound like I’m one of strawberry shortcake’s neighbors :-/

Personal Marketing

2009-03-12T21:58:00.001-07:00

So being a marketer, I commonly re-categorize ordinary occurrences in life into a marketing frame of mind. I’m starting to think that if you didn’t luck out in the genetic pool, it’s really not the end of the world for you. In today’s society, as long as you’re a great marketer with an extensive budget, you can compensate rather well. The ubiquitous adage is that ‘beautiful people have it so much easier than the rest of the population.’ They get better jobs, mates, friends, etc all by doing nothing but waking up everyday and being their natural selves. However, I think that can be challenged just by looking at a quick scenario.

Who do you think would be more appealing:

Man 1. A not genetically blessed guy, who is driving a Bentley, wearing a custom made Italian suit, who has an equally impressive title to go with it.

Man 2. A genetically blessed guy, who is driving a Hyundai, looks like he rolled out of bed and just told you he got a job as a bartender.

Now, I’m not advocating that there is anything wrong with being a bartender, but I’m more than sure that most of you would say Man1 is the most appealing. In reality, Man 1 is really just a greater marketer and excelled in his own brand management. He knows how to promote himself effectively to his target market i.e. women. Have you ever noticed the guys who have nice cars pulling up in front of clubs and just sitting there?...Yup…once again great marketers. This is a case of placement and knowing where to place the product, i.e. himself. Even if you are the most independent woman on the planet, you can’t help but notice the guy sitting in the Range. That car has instantaneously bumped up that guy at least 3 notches on your radar because we think it signifies something more.

It really all just goes back to the inescapable gender roles. You see a nice car, you think he has the money, to get the money he has a good job, and with that job he can provide you with a sense of stability and security. In an evolutionary perspective, the man used to ‘get’ the woman based on something innate about his personality, looks or skills. Now men figured out how to change the system and place evolution in their control by leveling the playing field. Women are now trained to value factors that are not intrinsic to him. Talk about the epitome of the American Dream haha. Anyone can have a chance to score a great person, as long as you have the knowledge and money in your own personal marketing department.

**This theory definitely works in reverse, but I'll save that for a later post :)

Dating 101

2008-12-14T21:00:00.001-08:00

When did it become acceptable for men to treat their friends as people they are interested in dating? This weekend, I have had countless friends tell me that they too are confused by this. They continually question whether the guy is just a friend who enjoys flirting with them or if the guy is genuinely interested. What’s worse is if the guy knows that you like him and still engages in this type of behavior. Sometimes I really feel like asking if “Are you talking/flirting with me just for your amusement purposes?” In my opinion, it is just plain selfish and detestable if you use someone as one of the clowns in your personal circus. Is there some sort of test that you can give to figure out a guy’s motives? Clearly a bunch of women missed this lesson in dating 101…

Victoria's Secret is Now Elle's

2008-12-03T14:29:00.000-08:00

I was having a conversation with my friend Kelly about the Victoria's Secret fashion show and it was pretty funny so I thought I would share.

Elle: Are you planning on watching the Victoria's Secret fashion show tonight?
Kelly: Yup, I got a flyer when I was in the store today.
Elle: cool. Those skinny hoes are about to make me feel bad about my dietary choices though
Kelly: I know! I'm turning my life around.
Elle: haha, Victoria's Secret is saving one soul at a time.
Elle: I wonder if i put on a pair of over sized wings and stilettos can i get any man i want?
Kelly: hahaha, that's why I don't have a man! I need wings.

So I wonder where a girl could potentially buy a pair of wings... hmm, maybe I'm going to need Selita's personal trainer and dedication as well :)

Cardinal Sin

2008-11-12T15:14:00.000-08:00

I'm about to commit the Cardinal Sin in terms of Chronicles of Elle and actually write a piece in favor of men! I know, the horror! I was thinking about what women expect out of relationships and think there is somewhat of an imbalance. We want a man who's a stereotypical gentleman…brings us flowers, pays for the first date, opens our doors, walk on the outside of the street, pick up the tab when we are out drinking, etc. These are all stereotypes that most women swoon at when they recount dates with their friends. However, when a guy says he wants a woman to do anything stereotypically feminine (i.e domestic), we look at him like he's crazy and a chauvinist pig. Is there really something inherently wrong with cooking or cleaning for a man if he appreciates it and deserves it? Sometimes I think women are so concerned with not being taken advantage of that we strive to do everything to go against these types of activities. I know because I used to do the same thing…I used to think that doing anything remotely domestic for a man was a sign of weakness and dependence. Now at the ripe age of 25, I'm starting to realize that in moderation there really isn't anything wrong with it. If the guy you're dating appreciates you cooking and you don't mind, why not go ahead a do it. He probably doesn't ask you to pay for dinner most of the time and even buys your friends a round of drinks when you are all hanging out. The point of doing something nice for someone is to do something he or she would like…not just something you want to do for them. I think what it comes down to is that a man needs to feel like a man and a woman like a woman sometimes.

No, I'm not advocating women being barefoot, pregnant and in the kitchen because that's her job but I think we have gone to the other extreme in many cases purposely avoiding certain activities out of fear of appearing that way. Women did not want society dictating what they did with their lives and being undervalued, hence the women's movement. I'm all for women in boardrooms, operating rooms, courthouse etc., but aren't we essentially letting society dictate our lives again by thinking this is the only acceptable way to act? To me many women fought to have the right to simply have the option to make their own decisions. If they want to lead highly independent lives climbing the professional ladder that's fabulous, but why can't that same woman take just as much pleasure out of cooking her man a gourmet meal? Maybe I'm the only one who feels this way, but I would be curious as to hear what other people have to say about this issue…

Start Being Selfish

2008-11-04T11:26:00.000-08:00

Knowing that I write a blog on relationships and men, my friend recently bought me a book entitled , "How to Set his Thighs on Fire", written by the Cosmo Editor in Chief Kate White. Well, let me just say that the book is filled with a bunch of bogus crap and I can't believe that women take what she wrote to heart. There are about 100 chapters dedicated mostly to relationship and sex advice that she has learned throughout the course of her career and life. I'm not quite sure what makes her an expert on either, but I suppose that because her magazine is filled with columns of similar content, she felt that she was qualified to write a book. There was one post that actually suggests placing a donut around a guy's member and eat it off and another that suggests dumping cold marbles on your bed prior to the act. I actually ran this by a guy and he promptly responded with please don't ever do that to anyone with a look of complete confusion.

I personally think instead of writing about how to please a man, she should have been more focused on teaching women how to please ourselves, since this is the area in which I think we are deficient. Women have serious problems in always wanting to make sure a man is satisfied when in reality a man will get to that point regardless 99% of the time. A lot of women on the other hand have no idea how to please themselves sexually, which was even more evident after I saw Oprah yesterday and a sex therapist was on the show. I was amazed by how many women do not know their own physical anatomy and yet we expect men to know?! That doesn't even make sense, so I think we all need to take an interest in trying to understand and please ourselves. Many times we put our feelings to the side and think, "I wonder what I can do to make him happy" or "I wonder if he thinks I'm sexy". Let me educate you all on something, if he wasn't happy or attracted to you, he wouldn't be there at all. So, start being more selfish and work on making you happy :)

Odd Couples

2008-08-27T12:52:00.001-07:00

I was walking down the street today, enjoying my last week off before classes begin and noticed something rather interesting. Most couples that I encountered were not what I would call on the same level ...physically. In almost every situation one person was substantially more attractive than the other and that seemed strange to me at the time. To clarify, I'm not as superficial as you might think after reading this post and will be the first to admit that I prefer other qualities that are definitely more important than appearance. However, I've always subconsciously divided people into 3 distinct categories in terms of appearance: 1. universally attractive 2. universally unattractive 3. The middles which could float either way depending on the person.
You would think that the universally un/attractive people would naturally gravitate towards each other. Furthermore, it has been scientifically proven that we like people that happen to look like ourselves, but it just didn't seem to work out that way during my walk. Maybe the unsuperficial qualities about a person trumps the superficial in most cases, which I really hope is true. If that's the case then I'm not sure why American culture is so preoccupied by outward beauty. Do you even think the people in the relationships realize that either they are the pretty or ugly one? That's seems a bit harsh, but this is my blog and I didn't feel like rephrasing haha. Anyway, I'm just curious to see if any of you know why this may happen...

KO...Trickery or Genius?

2008-08-21T12:20:00.000-07:00

Margarita was entirely stoked when she found out she got a reservation at the ultra exclusive New York City restaurant named KO. Apparently the restaurant seats only 12 people, the chef decides what he wants to serve to everyone, and you have to reserve a spot online at 10am each day regardless of your social standing. She and her little sister, Martini (aka Catchy, I just like Martini better hehe), tried this for 8 weeks until she finally snagged a spot. Yay Margarita! So after looking at the menu I was completely mystified and this was the conversation that followed:

Me: don't worry about trying to get that extra KO ticket for me; they would have to pay me to eat there.
Margarita: lol
Me: english muffin with pork fat???
wtf is wrong with you two
pork belly and oysters
shaved foie gras
omg omg omg!!
u better hope they serve that deep fried apple pie and short rib option LOLOLOLOL
Margarita: Mmm it will be yummy; David Chang [the chef] does magic...or so I'm told.
Me: Don't believe the hype
Margarita: ...but i do. If it took 2 months to get rezzies; there must be some truth.
Me: I think he's the smartest man in ny. He managed to trick the entire city of nyc! It's like the emperor's wardrobe story. And the place looks like a hole in the wall...he's probably laughing all the way to the bank everyday.
Margarita: hahahaha
me: duped
Margarita: no, it will be glorious...we shall take pictures

Oh and she's taking her sister "Martini" with her extra ticket and when Martini looked at the menu this was her response:

Martini: omg Margarita ...im scared i just saw everything they served...runny hen egg?!?! sashimi?
Margarita: lol but it will be yummy!
Martini: ahhhhhh...omg Mr. Chang is gonna kick me out of KO bc i'm a picky eater. This is going to be like an episode of fear factor!
Me: yo....that place is ripping ppl off
you can't even freaking order anything...u just gotta eat what he feels like cooking!!
you and M have gotta be the craziest ppl on earth along with the other thousand of ppl who wake up every morning to apply for a resservation LOLOLOL

Your kid is not Davinci...

2008-08-20T08:44:00.000-07:00

I'm pretty sure my coworkers are obsessed with their kids beyond any natural or sane level. It isn't hard to notice who has a kid and who doesn't on my floor. There is artwork decorated with crayons, markers, or pastels in practically every office or cubicle. It really is annoying because it's just a celebration of mediocrity in my opinion. That's fine if you want to tell your kids how great of an artist he or she is for the piece of crap that they created but don't subject everyone at work to more than 1 or 2 pieces. Just put it on your fridge for the only people in the world who actually appreciate it…you, your significant other and the kid.
I recently strolled to the back side of the floor during one of my periods of boredom and walked by this particular office, only to have to backtrack and stare in complete awe. This lady had at least 5 pictures of crappy kid artwork hanging on her walls…some of it even framed!! On her desk she had construction paper hearts speckled with bright tissue paper next to boats made out of popsicle sticks. These are just a few of the items she had and judging from the pictures on her desk, she only had one kid! God knows what her office would look like if she procreates again. Don't get me wrong, I think it's great that she loves her kids so much, but nobody wants to see all that stuff when they walk by your office. Furthermore, I think it's a tad unprofessional. So your boss walks in and it looks like she just walked into peewee's playhouse.
This other coworker around the corner from me has these monster size blown- up photos of her sons all over the walls of her cubicle. I purposely take the path to get to my desk that can avoid seeing them each morning. It's just creepy looking and I feel like ripping them down each time I walk in to work. On the other hand, I do feel bad for the lady who apparently doesn't have any kids. To compensate, she has about 12 pictures of her dogs and cats decorating her cubicle and it's just sad to say the least.

Cubicle Code of Ethics

2008-08-19T11:36:00.000-07:00

I’m going to veer off my usual topics to write about something that has been annoying me to no end lately. So my boss, I call him Pop-In because he is a fan of randomly popping his head into my cubicle to ask for status reports or just to talk about anything under the sun whenever the whim hits him, has this nasty habit of invading my cubicle space. Yesterday he did this and it was beyond awkward considering after I got telling him about the status of my current assignment, he kind of just stood there bobbing his head and saying, “yep” for another 5 minutes. This uncomfortable encounter is usually limited to every 3 to 4 days, which makes it bearable. However, this morning he popped in again!! This time he began to ask me how my night went. WTH…I’m not discussing my personal life with my boss on any level. Imagine if I told him what I really did: met a stranger at the bar, went home with him only to find out he was a SVP at a Fortune 500…ok, so that didn’t really happen to me but hey!...a girl can dream.
Regardless, it made me think why people don’t think before they invade someone’s space. Yes, I work out of a cubicle, but just b/c I’m out in the open does not give everyone the right to make me have a conversation with them whenever the mood hits them. When he doesn’t feel like being bothered, he just shuts his door. This is so unfair and I think people should observe the following code of cubicle ethics in the office:

1. Always send an email prior to just stopping by for status updates. This gives the person enough time to contrive some story of their progress, even if they were just on people.com or facebook for the past hour. Putting people on the spot is just not cool at all
2. If I have my headphones on and what you have to say is not important, just go in your office and revert back to rule #1.
3. If I’m on the phone, even if it is a personal call, do not stand there and just wait for me to get off.
4. It is rude to place a subordinate’s cubicle directly in front of their boss. Constant minimizing of windows that aren’t work related gets really annoying and lets be honest, everyone slacks off 50% of the day.
5. Just because you have to walk by someone’s cube to get to a common area, do not look into their space every time you walk by. It makes the person feel like you’re keeping tabs on her. Keep your eyes forward!

Geez, I really hate to have written this but I just felt like it needed to be put out there. Some days it really makes me want to dig a hole in the floor and escape. (Since my boss is across from me I can't walk out and leave without him seeing me) I might just decide to buy one of those “Do Not Disturb” signs to hang on the outside of my cubicle to prevent all of this.

Dating...Positives and Negatives

2008-08-18T06:18:00.000-07:00

Courtesy of Margarita for a little briefing about our collaboration- "Elle and I were debating the ins and outs of dating in your 20s, or more specifically what are the pros and cons of being single, unattached females in two different metropolitan cities, Boston and New York. Discounting slight regional differences, men are the same everywhere. She took the con side (initially, I was indifferent to which side I argued but once I started to think about it, I found it was much easier to find negatives in the situation than positives), and I set out to prove why dating in your 20s is the funnest thing ever. There has to be reasons why we continually subject ourselves to awkward conversations with relative male strangers, because honestly, I really do love dating! The question is, Why?"

Ok...now here are my list of negatives:

Awkward first date dinner interviews. I actually refuse to go to dinner on first dates for this exact reason. When I eat, I like to do so comfortably without the awkwardness of someone staring down my throat looking for a response to a completely asinine question that I thought was rhetorical. Not to mention the food in teeth situation which eliminates salads, veggies,etc. Girls also do stupid things like trying to squeeze into clothing that doesn't quite fit, so you really try to avoid anything with pasta, bread or anything carb related…hmm…what's left?
Always having to wear semi respectable undergarment sets that match. Even though I've heard numerous times from men, that they couldn't care less about this; we women still feel the need to follow through with this tradition.
Constant make up application…god forbid the person you're dating see you without mascara and lipgloss! The horror!
Comfortable clothes are a taboo even though you're just sitting around your or his apt. You have to find something that's cute and casual even though you want to wear the scrubs that you kept from your old bf who was in med school and a big t-shirt you stole from your dad's closet.
Avoiding topics that are worthwhile in hopes of not offending or scaring the person (i.e. politics, religion, your dysfunctional family stories).
Sexual confusion…not orientation hopefully, but do you kiss him after the first date? Have sex after a month and if you do will he think you're easy? You have to time these things perfectly, almost like cooking a soufflé. Take it out too early or late and it's ruined.
Holiday gifts-always difficult when you just started dating someone. Should you get someone something for his birthday, even though you've only been dating him for like a month? I think a card should be sufficient but then when your birthday rolls around a few weeks later he gets you an actual gift. Now you feel embarrassed and like a complete cheap ass.
Bodily function-enough said.
Worrying about morning appearance. If you stay over, you have to think of things like morning breath, messed up hair, shower situation (do you take one there or go home), etc
Walk of Shame…if you are just dating you probably don't have a drawer or stash of extra clothes over the guy's house. As such, you are forced to go outside the next morning wearing whatever party outfit you had on the prior night. Reminder to self…never do this on Halloween. Walking outside as a 25 year old whored-out girlscout wouldn't be a good look for anyone…

**OK...now go check our Margarita's side! http://www.smoresandmargaritas.blogspot.com/

Boys and Boston

2008-08-01T06:14:00.000-07:00

I was out last night with a friend who was visiting from out of town and I must say that I am thoroughly annoyed with the young male population in Boston. First of all, I didn't even really want to socialize...just wanted to go out with my girl, have a drink and go home. When we arrived at the venue, we ran into a guy that my friend previously dated. The friend, who we didn't really like to begin with due to overt arrogance, had a guy friend with him. I knew immediately that I was going to have to force myself to converse simply to be cordial and not come off as socially inept. I generally hate having to be a wing woman, when I'm not in the mood to flirt shamelessly with people I don't even like. Anyway, so I proceed to talk with him, asking the usual..."so what do you do here in Boston, work or school?" "how old are you?" This boy immediately starts to sweat and states that he feels like he's on an interview. Umm, I don't know what type of interviews he's been on but I've never been asked two questions, nor ones of those caliber. He must be SOL during an actual interview. So I stopped asking him questions, per his request, and he just stared at me out of confusion. I started thinking ...didn't this boy just ask me to refrain from asking him questions? Perhaps I misunderstood and out of sheer awkwardness I tried to figure out something to talk about that didn't require too much intellectual exertion. As such, I did happen to notice he was wearing one of those livestrong plastic bracelets in black and here is how the remainder of the conversation played out:

Me: Oh, you have one of those bracelets. I've never seen a black one, what does it mean?
Boy: Excellence
Me: *smile* Very nice, so I'm assuming you try to strive for excellence in your life huh
Boy: No, not really
Me: Wow **proceed to turn around and discontinue the conversation**

That was the ultimate turnoff, even as a friendly conversation and he didn't even realize it. Do you think a lack of ambition impresses girls?! What is wrong with men in Boston! I'm going to help you guys out with a short list of the qualities and traits that girls like:

*Ambition
*Intelligence
*Humor
*Generosity...if you go buy yourself a drink, offer to buy one for her as well jerk.
*Little bit of Swagger (for those of you who don't know what this is...it's just confidence splashed with a hint of charisma and charm)
*Non-jackass tendencies ( do not talk to other girls in the process of trying to pick up another)

You're welcome and I will be expecting my e-card thank yous in my mailbox within a week.

Platonic or Platonot...

2008-07-30T13:02:00.000-07:00

I always question the possiblity of developing purely platonic relationships, especially with two attractive people. Is it possible for a man and women to be simply friends when we are designed by nature to be physically attracted to one another? From what I've learned and experienced I would have to say it really depends on how and when you met. When I sat down to write this post, I thought platonic relationships are deifnitely possible! I have a lot of male friends! However, platonic by nature means that if given the opportunity neither party would jump at the chance to get in the other's pants. So I started to reevaluate my long list of guy friends and began crossing off people for reasons such as , "if we both had too much to drink, yea he'd definately try something" "if he didn't have a gf, yea he'd probably ask me out" By the end of this process I had approximately 3 guys who I think are completely platonic.
In most situations, an attraction between two people is present from day 1, but sometimes circumstance makes us push that feeling into the back of your mind to just look at someone in a friendly manner. He is a co-worker, a playboy...someone else's boyfriend. Anyways, the problem with this tactic is that many times these feelings can resurface with a vengeance. It's like trying to sink a piece of wood...it will stay under water if you constantly hold it down but the minute you let up, it's back floating at the top. So I think platonic relationships might actually be possible but they require a lot of work to keep them that way.
Knowing one's limits is definitely key because the moment one party forgets to maintain control, a non-platonic relatinship will probably resurface placing the entire relationship in jeopardy.

Lemon Law

2008-07-16T04:53:00.001-07:00

Why is it that there is not a lemon law applicable to men? For those of you who don’t know what a lemon law is:A law obligating manufacturers or sellers to repair, replace, or refund the price of motor vehicles that prove to be defective.Doesn’t it make more sense to get protection for something that doesn’t depreciate as soon as you drive it off the lot? In many cases it seems that after you decide to buy (i.e. establish exclusivity) with a man, you always concurrently find something drastically wrong. There could be minor problems such as beginning to completely ignore you when a sporting event comes on, to the more difficult ones such as sexual dysfunction. If you are like me, I don’t like to give the milk out for free, so only when someone becomes a boyfriend will I have the opportunity to find out the latter of these two. This style of interaction tends to pose a significant problem. Now I like the guy as a lot, however if there is a problem…down there…then I’m placed in a sticky situation. (Excuse the pun) It really is just extremely selfish of men…If you have a serious insurmountable problem for most women you should disclose that information before the relationship gets serious. I am entering the relationship with the understanding of certain principles and to me that is considered a contract.I now have a few options to resolve this quandary…1. I can stick with him and see if the problem is correctable. Problem: Usually men are consistent beings and incapable of correcting a deficiency. 2. You can get rid of him completely. Problem: You want to get a similar man without his problem but that is virtually impossible. Furthermore, one of the basic laws in nature states that “Once you get rid of a man, more than likely you won’t have any viable ones waiting in the background.” Just one of the laws that we must accept ladies.As you can see, there does not seem to be a solution, which is why there should be a lemon law. After I find a problem with the current boyfriend, no matter how small…I want to trade him in to get a problem free model. Same stats, same personality, etc… minus the problem. I think everyone should write to his or her congressman to lobby for this change immediately….If we can get a new car for a repeated broken seatbelt, we should at least be able to get another boyfriend who isn’t completely inept.

Boys and Burners

2008-07-16T04:52:00.001-07:00

So I received a hysterical call from one of my friends last week in the midst of her panic attack that was induced by the fear that she was going to end up alone. My first inclination was to reassure her that she wasn’t and that she still has plenty of time to find someone because she’s only 24. I failed to mention the fact that I just read in a Glamour magazine that the average age most women marry is 25. After reading the article my initial reaction was “cut the crap”…only people in the Midwest marry that young and I will discard this erroneous statistic as soon as I finish reading the do’s and don’t section for this spring. After reconsidering however, I may be in more trouble than I previously thought.Many of my friends are in really serious relationships that may definitely lead to marriage. I on the other hand, go through a cycle:1. Date someone I really don’t like all that much.2. Convince myself that I really do like them for various reasons.3. Six months later realize it’s not working.My saving grace is that I keep men on burners. Every woman should know the concept of a burner since men regularly do this to ensure their future happiness. Think of it like a stove…you put the pots you’re actually using on burners that are closest to you. Sometimes, if you’re lazy like I am, pots that you used a month ago are still located on those back burners until I am ready to use them again. I routinely do this with men so that I can hang out with them months after I proclaim, “this isn’t working for me.” The only problem with this is that you have to pray to God that you watch the pot you’re currently using very carefully to ensure that it does not overflow onto the rest of the stove. If too much liquid gets into the other burners, you may have to spring for another stove…and no one likes to have all their work/effort go in vain. My advice is to pay close attention and put a lid on the ones currently in use.

Men and Handbags

2008-07-16T04:50:00.000-07:00

A post I wrote a while ago...

So I was advising my friend the other day about her boy situation, while also discussing my own, and I realized that girls do very unnatural things in terms of relationships. She was telling me about this guy who adores her, but rarely asks her on dates. Attempting to analyze his motives was stressing her out, so she was going to drop him. I immediately responded with, “Why would you do that??!” It didn’t make any sense that she would stop dating a guy who treated her fabulously when she was with him. I then told her about my sexy “friend” who I have been talking to over the past month who is the epitome of hot and cold . . . who also has the tendency to just be full of shit. Excuse my French. He is not only a great resource in terms of intellect but also a nice piece of eye candy. Anyway, I don’t know why, but he seems to serve a useful function so I thought, why would I get rid of him . . .Now I parallel this conversation to one on handbags. Men really are nothing more than a great accessory. Easily comparable to a handbag. The fun sexy ones are like a new trendy Valentino bag. Everyone notices when you get a new one, and they are always flashy and gorgeous. I absolutely love one, when I can afford one. You could also go with the smart and conservative guy that is as dependable and reliable as a Fendi - never goes out of style and is always a classic addition to any girl’s closet. You also encounter the guy that is just pure fun, childish at times, but brings out that kid in you – a Juicy Couture Bag. What I think I ultimately want in a guy is more along the lines of someone who treats me fabulously, compliments me nicely, and provides me with some sense of security and reliability. Somehow I would compare this to my Louis Vuitton. If I ever need a quick bag at the last minute, Louis is it. It goes with everything and is always impressive. A timeless classic that will never go out of style. Now girls (who are dating) . . . my point is to stop trying to make all boys fit all purposes. More than likely you’re not going to find a Louis each time you go out. Let the situation flow naturally and accept your guy for who he is and identify his purpose in your life. You wouldn’t carry an evening bag to class, so why try to make a boyfriend out of Rico Suave you met at the club last Saturday night? Dating should be fun and as long as you are having fun, keep him around. I think this year my goal is to become the best accessorized girl in Boston . . . in terms of handbags and men!

Birthdays or Christmas...

2008-07-15T04:51:00.000-07:00

So I was thinking about *ahem* sexual favors and expectations and quite frankly I'm a little confused. Granted, I'm 25 yrs old and am well aware of the quid pro quo generally associated with the act, but considering how frequently it is offered these days...I'm trying to get some clarification. Let's be real, some men give out favors as frequently as politicians give out bumper stickers. I truely think this type of gift has replaced the whole gesture of flowers and candy sometimes. Not that I'm complaining, but when you give a girl flowers and candy do you ever expect her to give you the same in return? Probably not. Men are quick to offer the favor and then when you don't reciprocate are just as quick to call you selfish. Are women supposed to know that men expect a gift in return, even if he said one wasn't required prior to the act?

As such, it got me thinking...Do men think that giving sexual favors should be more like birthdays or Christmas? Is it just known that there is a mutual exchange of gifts, or is it ever ok for me to accept my gift and say thank you with a smile and a hug, as I would do on my birthday. I'm starting to think that some men are just being sneaky twits when they say "don't worry about it" thinking that either she'd return the favor or do something more. I don't know how they were raised but my mother always told me that you really should say what you mean and mean what you say...so I don't really understand the problem. Why do men think a woman is selfish if she didn't even ask for him to do it in the first place! Maybe as women we really should enforce the 'No" the second and third time he offers. When you think about it though, this isn't even logical if the first gift was beyond amazing...that would be equivalent to me turning down a gift knowing that last year's gift was a prada wallet. Besides...it's bad manners to look at gift horse in the mouth :-)

**Just a devils advocate piece...not condoning casually accepting favors unless that's what you want to do and if it is...do you!

My First Time!

2008-07-11T12:53:00.001-07:00

Ok, so this is my first blog entry on my own site. Yes, I've guest blogged numerous times on my friend's blog, who is absolutely amazing (check our Margarita at: http://www.smoresandmargaritas.blogspot.com/) , about relationships and gender specific topics. I have never professed to know the absolute truth about anything, but 'Elle' truth is another story. In my life I've learned a few things in relation to girls and guys that I just feel compelled to share occasionally. Usually I'm from the camp that thinks it's best to tell people what they want to hear and then go do whatever you want, but with my blog I think I'm going to do and say exactly what I want 100% of the time simply because I can.
It's scary though because having your own site is like having your own child or pet, which at this point in my life are one in the same to me. You're a little more careful about what you say and how you treat it because it's simply your own. I might slightly nudge someone else's puppy who is beyond annoying- getting their dog hair all over my new DKNY pants and licking my Marc Jacobs bag. Did the owner really think I wanted to walk around looking like a hairball and smelling like dog breath? However, if I had my own puppy I would probably let it sit in my bag and if anyone dared kick it, I would proceed to escort them out of my apt with a swift kick to the behind. When something is your own it requires more responsibility, but the funny thing is that care is effortlessly put forth out of love. As such, I'm going to probably treat my blog like a new puppy...I'll probably forget to feed it once in a while and that I left it at home while on my way to spending a weekend in the Hamptons with friends but please bear with me. I will eventually get this right :-) xoxo Elle