You want to come over when?...

Yesterday my friend and I were trying to make plans for the evening and it made me question things. I hadn’t seen him in a while, but I didn’t have anything in particular that I wanted to do. As such, I told him to give me a call if he thought of anything fun. He texts me to let me know he is going to a bar in Boston and if I wanna come, just let him know. At this point it was 10pm and that’s actually pretty late to decide to go somewhere when everything shuts down at 2am. (Oh how I miss New York at times like this). 10 minutes pass and he texts me back saying after he leaves the bar he plans to come through, if that’s cool. Hmm…come through…what does that mean?! Come through for what??...2 words: umm no.

As a little back story, this friend has never been to my place, which isn’t rare since it’s all of 400 square feet. If I invite people over, I immediately begin to feel claustrophobic. He has tried to invite himself up on another occasion, but I promptly told him I don’t do ‘pop-ins’ because my apartment wasn’t up to my cleanliness standards for a guest. I really didn’t think anything of it, considering we just left a bar and went dutch for the drinks. (I take this as a sign that the encounter was platonic, which I wanted)

Anyways, nervously I told him that I plan to just go grab a drink with a friend at a bar down the street instead. What was he thinking…I am a lady…a jewel that should be viewed in the highest regard! Okay well maybe that’s a bit much, but I do think there are actions that are either acceptable or unacceptable in dealing with platonic relationships. I am certainly not letting a guy friend come over, who I barely hang out with, that late! A few issues…

1. If we’re just friends, which I thought we were…you are not coming over my apartment at 11 or 12am. I have nothing to say or do with a guy friend in that time block that would fall under the platonic umbrella. Now, I have made exceptions for extremely close guy friends who: have been kicked out of their apartments by significant others or need a place to crash if they’re out of town.

2. If you want to be more than friends, which I subconsciously suspected on more than one occasion from the guy aforementioned, coming over to my apartment is not acceptable you cheap bastard. I require to be taken on dates before that can happen…and 12 am is really unacceptable! A girl needs to be wined and dined and let me say that this girl likes Cabernet Sauvignon and crab cakes.

Dating...Positives and Negatives

Courtesy of Margarita for a little briefing about our collaboration- "Elle and I were debating the ins and outs of dating in your 20s, or more specifically what are the pros and cons of being single, unattached females in two different metropolitan cities, Boston and New York. Discounting slight regional differences, men are the same everywhere. She took the con side (initially, I was indifferent to which side I argued but once I started to think about it, I found it was much easier to find negatives in the situation than positives), and I set out to prove why dating in your 20s is the funnest thing ever. There has to be reasons why we continually subject ourselves to awkward conversations with relative male strangers, because honestly, I really do love dating! The question is, Why?"

Ok...now here are my list of negatives:

1. Awkward first date dinner interviews. I actually refuse to go to dinner on first dates for this exact reason. When I eat, I like to do so comfortably without the awkwardness of someone staring down my throat looking for a response to a completely asinine question that I thought was rhetorical. Not to mention the food in teeth situation which eliminates salads, veggies,etc. Girls also do stupid things like trying to squeeze into clothing that doesn't quite fit, so you really try to avoid anything with pasta, bread or anything carb related…hmm…what's left?
2. Always having to wear semi respectable undergarment sets that match. Even though I've heard numerous times from men, that they couldn't care less about this; we women still feel the need to follow through with this tradition.
3. Constant make up application…god forbid the person you're dating see you without mascara and lipgloss! The horror!
4. Comfortable clothes are a taboo even though you're just sitting around your or his apt. You have to find something that's cute and casual even though you want to wear the scrubs that you kept from your old bf who was in med school and a big t-shirt you stole from your dad's closet.
5. Avoiding topics that are worthwhile in hopes of not offending or scaring the person (i.e. politics, religion, your dysfunctional family stories).
6. Sexual confusion…not orientation hopefully, but do you kiss him after the first date? Have sex after a month and if you do will he think you're easy? You have to time these things perfectly, almost like cooking a soufflé. Take it out too early or late and it's ruined.
7. Holiday gifts-always difficult when you just started dating someone. Should you get someone something for his birthday, even though you've only been dating him for like a month? I think a card should be sufficient but then when your birthday rolls around a few weeks later he gets you an actual gift. Now you feel embarrassed and like a complete cheap ass.
8. Bodily function-enough said.
9. Worrying about morning appearance. If you stay over, you have to think of things like morning breath, messed up hair, shower situation (do you take one there or go home), etc
10. Walk of Shame…if you are just dating you probably don't have a drawer or stash of extra clothes over the guy's house. As such, you are forced to go outside the next morning wearing whatever party outfit you had on the prior night. Reminder to self…never do this on Halloween. Walking outside as a 25 year old whored-out girlscout wouldn't be a good look for anyone…

**OK...now go check our Margarita's side! http://www.smoresandmargaritas.blogspot.com/

Boys and Burners

So I received a hysterical call from one of my friends last week in the midst of her panic attack that was induced by the fear that she was going to end up alone. My first inclination was to reassure her that she wasn’t and that she still has plenty of time to find someone because she’s only 24. I failed to mention the fact that I just read in a Glamour magazine that the average age most women marry is 25. After reading the article my initial reaction was “cut the crap”…only people in the Midwest marry that young and I will discard this erroneous statistic as soon as I finish reading the do’s and don’t section for this spring. After reconsidering however, I may be in more trouble than I previously thought.Many of my friends are in really serious relationships that may definitely lead to marriage. I on the other hand, go through a cycle:1. Date someone I really don’t like all that much.2. Convince myself that I really do like them for various reasons.3. Six months later realize it’s not working.My saving grace is that I keep men on burners. Every woman should know the concept of a burner since men regularly do this to ensure their future happiness. Think of it like a stove…you put the pots you’re actually using on burners that are closest to you. Sometimes, if you’re lazy like I am, pots that you used a month ago are still located on those back burners until I am ready to use them again. I routinely do this with men so that I can hang out with them months after I proclaim, “this isn’t working for me.” The only problem with this is that you have to pray to God that you watch the pot you’re currently using very carefully to ensure that it does not overflow onto the rest of the stove. If too much liquid gets into the other burners, you may have to spring for another stove…and no one likes to have all their work/effort go in vain. My advice is to pay close attention and put a lid on the ones currently in use.

Men and Handbags

A post I wrote a while ago...

So I was advising my friend the other day about her boy situation, while also discussing my own, and I realized that girls do very unnatural things in terms of relationships. She was telling me about this guy who adores her, but rarely asks her on dates. Attempting to analyze his motives was stressing her out, so she was going to drop him. I immediately responded with, “Why would you do that??!” It didn’t make any sense that she would stop dating a guy who treated her fabulously when she was with him. I then told her about my sexy “friend” who I have been talking to over the past month who is the epitome of hot and cold . . . who also has the tendency to just be full of shit. Excuse my French. He is not only a great resource in terms of intellect but also a nice piece of eye candy. Anyway, I don’t know why, but he seems to serve a useful function so I thought, why would I get rid of him . . .Now I parallel this conversation to one on handbags. Men really are nothing more than a great accessory. Easily comparable to a handbag. The fun sexy ones are like a new trendy Valentino bag. Everyone notices when you get a new one, and they are always flashy and gorgeous. I absolutely love one, when I can afford one. You could also go with the smart and conservative guy that is as dependable and reliable as a Fendi - never goes out of style and is always a classic addition to any girl’s closet. You also encounter the guy that is just pure fun, childish at times, but brings out that kid in you – a Juicy Couture Bag. What I think I ultimately want in a guy is more along the lines of someone who treats me fabulously, compliments me nicely, and provides me with some sense of security and reliability. Somehow I would compare this to my Louis Vuitton. If I ever need a quick bag at the last minute, Louis is it. It goes with everything and is always impressive. A timeless classic that will never go out of style. Now girls (who are dating) . . . my point is to stop trying to make all boys fit all purposes. More than likely you’re not going to find a Louis each time you go out. Let the situation flow naturally and accept your guy for who he is and identify his purpose in your life. You wouldn’t carry an evening bag to class, so why try to make a boyfriend out of Rico Suave you met at the club last Saturday night? Dating should be fun and as long as you are having fun, keep him around. I think this year my goal is to become the best accessorized girl in Boston . . . in terms of handbags and men!