Birmingham, England and my mental i-pod

So today was the first time that I encountered people who actually commented on my accent. You know immediately that someone is thinking about your accent when a small smirk pops up on their face as they try not to notice. The English seemed completely entertained by how I pronounced certain words. It’s funny though because you always want to know whether or not your accent is a pretty one (i.e. Italian or British) or an ugly one (i.e. German) I wanted to ask but I didn’t think anyone would have been impolite enough to give me an honest answer. I decided to just go ahead and ask the guy I was talking to in the bar to imitate what he thought an American accent sounds like. At first he just laughed but then obliged... his imitation sounded more southern than any rendition I’ve ever heard. He said mine was ‘lovely’ though. Although I think he was just flirting…he knew damn well he thought I sounded the same way.

What’s strange is that their accent was so thick that at times it was almost like they were speaking another language. I had to focus more on the conversation and realized rather early on that I could easily tune them out. Perhaps, I should marry someone English because then when I don’t want to hear what they had to say I wouldn’t have to. It’s like putting in your ipod minus the music. During an argument I could just tune out, i.e. hit play, and when they were done yelling, tune back in. Yes, this is what I’m going to do. I’m off to London now, so Priority #1 is officially finding a boy who likes me enough to move across the ocean to live in the US. Hmph…I can’t even find one now who will buy me flowers. This one might be tough…

Amsterdam...well it was no Barcelona

I arrive in Amsterdam the next morning and it was so cold I could see my breath. I left high 60 degree weather for this!? I get to the hotel and it is definitely not something I would have typically stayed in. I walked into the lobby and the staff had put up their Dutch Christmas decorations…6 Black elves with bright red lips on this big table as soon as you walk into the lobby. Yea so apparently their definition of holiday decorations come in the form of black satire lol. To be fair though the Dutch were very nice people so I don’t want to be too harsh. But then again, I felt like taking out my flat iron and smashing them all into little pieces. Who-gonna-check-me-boo! Well, actually they might have by making me check out and being homeless in a foreign country can’t be good. As such, I decided to reserve renegade Lauren for another time.

After dinner my manager and I go to downtown Amsterdam to go to the Anne Frank house and the Rijks Musem. Both were fabulous; however walking around after we apparently hit the tourist district and the smell of weed hit my face harder than a brick. It was so funny seeing people smoke openly like that. Then we hit the sex stores and I must say that it was so uncomfortable to walk in front of those with your boss. Clearly we both saw them, but we both said absolutely nothing. Good choice because nothing was the most appropriate conversation. Off to London …although home is starting to sound good after all this traveling.

Hasta Luego Barcelona

I left Barcelona feeling absolutely great. My last night there I went out for tapas and wine and met a girl who was traveling around the world because she got a divorce last month. I mean her situation was unfortunate, but it wasn’t for me since I didn’t have to eat dinner by myself on Thanksgiving :) She had all these stories too and it was like I was at the movie theater listening to a tragic story. She was clearly still upset about her breakup so she was doing all the talking while I was eating and drinking. Just how I like it...free entertainment for Elle! I kind of wanted to exchange contact information just so I could keep tabs on how everything turned out. A few seconds later I realized that I didn't really care and that I was so interested simply because I hadn't had social entertainment in a week.

So after, I was feeling good and decided to go get a coffee at this café next to my hotel. The waiter spoke only Spanish, but he was cute so I decided to stay. I don’t know whether it was the 2 glasses or wine at dinner or luck but we spoke for over an hour entirely in Spanish! I was so impressed with myself…Margarita you would have been proud. On the check, I decided to leave the message: "If you ever want to practice your English...[Insert Elle's email]. I don't know why I did that, but I just figured it didn't even matter because I wasn't going to ever see him again. Get this though...he still hasn't emailed me! Who does he think he is??...I'm like world travel corporate barbie. He better get with the program...eso pequeno mierda.

Patisserie in Barcelona...who needs France?!

So tonight I wandered around in search of food and came across a patisserie. When I walked in it felt like something out of a French movie. Shiny glass containers filled with pastry dough stuffed with any type of filling you wanted, cute silver coffee mugs and white chairs. I would have stayed if I didn’t suffer from the “I feel stupid eating alone” complex. Since I do though, I just took my spinach wrapped in pastry dough to go. On the way out I took a bite and it was amazing! I literally turned back around and went and ordered this giant chocolate croissant as well. The cashier smiled and said, “Te gusta si?! Hell yea I liked it…you see my fat ass didn’t even reach the door before I went back for more! That little prick knows that it happens to atleast 40% of the people that come in there…don’t’ act like I’m an anomaly. They probably have a little chalkboard behind the register to keep a tally. Half way back to the hotel I walked past a mirror and wanted to die. There was powdered sugar all over my face and my navy blue coat. I looked like I just had a fight with a bag of flour. :-/

Barcelona Day 2

Well jet lag officially caught up with me and I literally saw the clock change every hour last night. Needless to say, when I received my wake-up call this morning I couldn’t have been more shocked if I woke up in Morocco. I literally had no idea where I was or why this lady was talking to me in Spanish, for a good 30 seconds. After I realized where I was I decided to go down stairs for the complimentary breakfast, which I noticed was quite a spread for free. (Later I realized that ish was in fact not free and cost 15 Euros which is about 22 dollars) Guess the word "free" doesn't translate well...

So I go back to room and get dressed. Now what I read on websites was that the Spanish, particularly Barcelonans wear a rather formal dress attire to work, so I decided to go with a suit. I don’t know what whack job blogs I was reading because I didn’t encounter anyone who had a suit on today. Maybe that happens in the financial world here, but I’d say as a general rule of thumb that people dressed business casual. Definitely wearing pants and a sweater combo tomorrow!

So I get to the customer's office and I think my guide thought I spoke more Spanish than I actually did today because during out customer visits we spoke only in Spanish. I tried to gather what I could, but dude…I told you I wasn’t fluent. The worst is when you can tell, simply because of the inflection in someone’s voice, that they asked you a question that they expect an answer to and you have no idea what they said. That happened to me at least 20 times today. I was like dammit…I need a translator for my translator! So I managed to get through the visits and ended up picking up a lot of information after I focused a little bit more.

At the end of our visits we had a late lunch by the water, which was really nice. I thought he was going to take me to a traditional Catalan/Barcelonan restaurant but we had Thai haha. It was good but I definitely don’t know what the meat was that I ate. I didn’t want to be rude though so I ate it, but I definitely would not have eaten that if he were not present. I almost hurled as the fatty meat slid down my throat, but I am a professional dammit so I pulled it together!

So I wanted to go out tonight to walk around again but my manager informed me that he was at dinner now and that he would call me in an hour. So unfortunately I have to stay here and wait on his call. Doesn’t he know that there is a TopShop across the street calling my name!?

First Leg of European Adventure...Spain!

So the trip started off fabulous. I called for a cab and they sent a black town car. Secretly inside I was more excited than I probably should have been. I know that sounds a bit snobby but I felt ultra important when I rolled my stuff out to the car this morning in front of my neighbor. So I get on my first connection and I look at the guy loading the bags and instantly think that’s I’d rather someone else do his job for various reasons. I shook it off though because I agreed that I will be” go with the flow Elle” for the entire trip.

The second connection, from Detroit to Amsterdam, was pretty good as well. The flight was connected to Mumbai though so you know people bought their dinners on the flight and everything smelled like it had a bottle full of curry in it. I want to know how they even got that ish through check-in when I have a bottle of liquid hair spray that is 3.6oz that wasn’t accepted?

I get off the plane and am in Spain! I’ve never been anywhere in Europe before, so this trip is very momentous to me. The airport is rather easy to navigate though and I found baggage claim pretty effortlessly. 5 minutes rolls by , 10 minutes, 30 minutes…still no luggage. I forget all about the new “go with the flow Elle” and immediately begin to panic and think about the 7 pairs of shoes that might be lost in oblivion! This is exactly why I didn’t pack certain items that would cause my world to come crashing down if they were lost. ..i.e. my tall brown boots that make me feel like a “Who-gonna-check-me-boo” kinda girl. (That last comment was lost on any of you who don’t watch real housewives of Atlanta)

I manage to find the lost and found and don’t even try to speak Spanish…I just told the receptionist that she will have to understand English today because I was entirely too frustrated and angry to try to formulate Spanish sentences. Lucky for her and me that she didn’t counter my blatant disregard for the fact that I was in a Spanish speaking country with flippancy. She just smiled and tapped her keyboard until she responded with “Oh…I found your bag!” A sense of relief overcame me and I asked her where I could go pick it up. The relief didn’t last long …she told me my crap was still in Amsterdam and that it would be here tonight at 11pm. FML. Did the airline not know that I had a Flamengo dance/dinner planned for tonight that I now can’t go to because I only have the clothes on my back?

Well, I decided that I was not going to let it ruin my day, so I find my hotel and sign up to go on this tour bus. Barcelona really is gorgeous and the buildings are architecturally exquisite. The only down side was that everyone was coupled off and I felt like they were looking at me like I was a societal reject without friends or boyfriend. Okay, so they were right about the latter, but friends…no, friends I got. I only wish Terry and Vanilla Bean (Margarita’s new nickname) could have been here too. A margarita just won’t be the same without them

I'm going to Europe!

Okay, so I know I've been MIA for a lonnnnng time. I'm going to Europe though and I do plan to blog about it on a daily basis if possible. I'm sure it will be a comical disaster (thanks Margarita) so I'm sure it will at least give you a laugh for the day :) Stay tuned!

The Gym = Hell

This morning I woke up with an urge to go running. Anyone who knows me, knows that this is extremely atypical. I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I haven't stepped in the gym since early November...yikes! I know what you're thinking, you must be a fat beast by this point. Instead of going to the gym though, I decided to just go on this healthy eating kick that inadvertently caused me to lose more weight than I ever could have at the gym.

However, considering summer is approaching, I did notice that I was not as tone as I would like. I wouldn't put a bikini on for a million dollars right now. Hmm..ok so who am I kidding. I'm a broke b-school student...I'd probably put one on for $25 right now.

Anyway, so I decided to finally return to the gym and as soon as I got there, I regretted it. This influx of laughing skinny girls walked by me as soon as I passed the entrance and I immediately felt sub par. Why are they even here and why are they happy?! If I looked like them, I guarantee I would have been sitting on my couch shoveling in the ice cream. God knew not to make me skinny because I'm sure I'd have high cholesterol, hypertension and diabetes by the age of 30 if I knew I could eat whatever I wanted without gaining a pound.

So I find a treadmill, put in my ipod and start to run. I'm noticing that I'm feeling surprisingly well! Hmm...4.50 mins in, I'm realizing that my chest is burning. I decide to push through it and at 7mins I have no choice but to stop. I'm breathing like a 200lb woman and there is only one word to describe my performance: pathetic. I think I'll go back tomorrow and try again though...operative word is think.

You want to come over when?...

Yesterday my friend and I were trying to make plans for the evening and it made me question things. I hadn’t seen him in a while, but I didn’t have anything in particular that I wanted to do. As such, I told him to give me a call if he thought of anything fun. He texts me to let me know he is going to a bar in Boston and if I wanna come, just let him know. At this point it was 10pm and that’s actually pretty late to decide to go somewhere when everything shuts down at 2am. (Oh how I miss New York at times like this). 10 minutes pass and he texts me back saying after he leaves the bar he plans to come through, if that’s cool. Hmm…come through…what does that mean?! Come through for what??...2 words: umm no.

As a little back story, this friend has never been to my place, which isn’t rare since it’s all of 400 square feet. If I invite people over, I immediately begin to feel claustrophobic. He has tried to invite himself up on another occasion, but I promptly told him I don’t do ‘pop-ins’ because my apartment wasn’t up to my cleanliness standards for a guest. I really didn’t think anything of it, considering we just left a bar and went dutch for the drinks. (I take this as a sign that the encounter was platonic, which I wanted)

Anyways, nervously I told him that I plan to just go grab a drink with a friend at a bar down the street instead. What was he thinking…I am a lady…a jewel that should be viewed in the highest regard! Okay well maybe that’s a bit much, but I do think there are actions that are either acceptable or unacceptable in dealing with platonic relationships. I am certainly not letting a guy friend come over, who I barely hang out with, that late! A few issues…

1. If we’re just friends, which I thought we were…you are not coming over my apartment at 11 or 12am. I have nothing to say or do with a guy friend in that time block that would fall under the platonic umbrella. Now, I have made exceptions for extremely close guy friends who: have been kicked out of their apartments by significant others or need a place to crash if they’re out of town.

2. If you want to be more than friends, which I subconsciously suspected on more than one occasion from the guy aforementioned, coming over to my apartment is not acceptable you cheap bastard. I require to be taken on dates before that can happen…and 12 am is really unacceptable! A girl needs to be wined and dined and let me say that this girl likes Cabernet Sauvignon and crab cakes.

Recession Tip

I was watching the Today show and Kathy Lee and Hoda suggested using Vanilla extract as a perfume LOL.  They said men typically love the smell of vanilla during studies.  I  actually want to see if this works so I'm going to try it.  I guess the way to a man's heart really might be through his stomach.  I wonder if anyone else has tried this... 

I'll keep you posted with the results though!

Wedding Proposal on the Horizon...

So I had this conversation with a guy friend and thought because of its comical nature I would share hehe...

Me: So, what are you doing?
Dante: Sewing
Me: What?! You sew? Maybe I will propose to you.
Dante: So what's this about you proposing?
Me: Well you can sew, cook and do laundry. I'm assuming you can do yard stuff and kill bugs too.
Dante: Yup
Me: And you're 'kinda' cute. What else do you need in a man?
Dante: Sexual Prowess?
Me: I think you'd be okay in that too. Got anything else?
Dante: Honor. Loyalty.
Me: Ehh, not as important as that other stuff. Anything else that's tangible? Like Napoleon Dyanmite, "skills"?
Dante: lol...I see
Me: Oh u also know martial arts and can use a gun, so u can protect me. Done! When is a good day for the proposal? haha

Tip of the Day

I'm soooo not a fan of the act of people guessing your weight. Guys seem to do this pretty frequently and I hate it! I'm assuming it's just because they don't have the same hang ups as women do about weight, but come on. You guess too high and I immediately give you the death stare, while you stand there looking confused.
My uncle did it when I was home for vacation and my friend proceeded to do it yesterday. It's like some sick joke that only they think is funny. Tip of the day guys...no girl wants you to guess their weight...EVER! It's really not a good situation for you to be in at all. I am not a side show act in a carnival who will give you a prize if you can guess my weight. The only prize you will get from me is an attitude problem and me wishing you would just leave. Hmm...wonder if Abbra Kadabra would work in this situation? ;)

Chivalry vs. Equal Rights...

So I’m just wondering…when did equal rights start becoming an argument against acting like a gentleman? I was at the grocery store with a guy friend the other day when he made a big deal about carrying my bag. I was like you have to be kidding me…are you really going to make me carry this bag when you’re standing here carrying nothing?! You would have thought that I just asked him to schedule me an appointment with the Dalai Lama. In the end he did carry the bag, but I was so disgusting by the fact that 1. I had to ask and 2. he made a big deal about it stating "women always want equal rights until it’s inconvenient for them!" Do men really feel this way? And if they do, how do they possibly get girls this way?

When my brother was growing up we made a point of teaching him the importance of being a gentleman, so now he has a girlfriend who raves about how well he treats her. He opens doors, picks up the tab when they are out, buys flowers for her and her mom when he comes back from school during break etc. I personally think we did a fabulous job! Don't get me wrong; I don’t think it should be unrequited by any means. His girlfriend returns the gestures by bringing over his favorite baked goods, getting him thoughtful little gifts and just being a great woman overall. I get the impression that they both feel lucky to have each other.

Overall, I just don’t get the big deal…

I should be kicked out of Boston...

This is the second year that I've been in Boston and had to miss St. Patrick's Day celebrations! I am not happy considering I had such high hopes of going out and enjoying the day. Green shirt-check, green ribbon-check, green socks-check. I had all intentions of really doing it big this year, until I got placed in a group for class that decided to switch topics one week before the presentation. I know that I'm graduating and I should have just gone out anyway, but I've never really been a fan of standing in front of class looking like an ill prepared slacker. My group entirely consists of 2nd year MBA students, so I guess I brought this one myself...I knew I should have thrown a few overachieving first years into the mix :(

Random Thought...Pet Names?

I’ve never been one to like pet names. Some guys call you them so they don’t mix up your names with the other girls they are dating or they just seem to have a penchant for them. I should probably take a page out of their book considering I recently called a guy by someone else’s name on more than one occasion….oops!

Either way…just don’t do it with me if the name is anything other than babe or baby. I’ve had guys call me cupcake, darling, sugar plum and I literally cringe when it comes out of their mouths. Maybe I’m just cold-hearted but I literally can’t stand it. However, last night a friend said ‘goodnight gorgeous’ and I actually smiled and thought it was the sweetest thing. I don’t know…I think I just have a problem when pet names make me sound like I’m one of strawberry shortcake’s neighbors :-/

Personal Marketing

So being a marketer, I commonly re-categorize ordinary occurrences in life into a marketing frame of mind. I’m starting to think that if you didn’t luck out in the genetic pool, it’s really not the end of the world for you. In today’s society, as long as you’re a great marketer with an extensive budget, you can compensate rather well. The ubiquitous adage is that ‘beautiful people have it so much easier than the rest of the population.’ They get better jobs, mates, friends, etc all by doing nothing but waking up everyday and being their natural selves. However, I think that can be challenged just by looking at a quick scenario.

Who do you think would be more appealing:

Man 1. A not genetically blessed guy, who is driving a Bentley, wearing a custom made Italian suit, who has an equally impressive title to go with it.

Man 2. A genetically blessed guy, who is driving a Hyundai, looks like he rolled out of bed and just told you he got a job as a bartender.

Now, I’m not advocating that there is anything wrong with being a bartender, but I’m more than sure that most of you would say Man1 is the most appealing. In reality, Man 1 is really just a greater marketer and excelled in his own brand management. He knows how to promote himself effectively to his target market i.e. women. Have you ever noticed the guys who have nice cars pulling up in front of clubs and just sitting there?...Yup…once again great marketers. This is a case of placement and knowing where to place the product, i.e. himself. Even if you are the most independent woman on the planet, you can’t help but notice the guy sitting in the Range. That car has instantaneously bumped up that guy at least 3 notches on your radar because we think it signifies something more.

It really all just goes back to the inescapable gender roles. You see a nice car, you think he has the money, to get the money he has a good job, and with that job he can provide you with a sense of stability and security. In an evolutionary perspective, the man used to ‘get’ the woman based on something innate about his personality, looks or skills. Now men figured out how to change the system and place evolution in their control by leveling the playing field. Women are now trained to value factors that are not intrinsic to him. Talk about the epitome of the American Dream haha. Anyone can have a chance to score a great person, as long as you have the knowledge and money in your own personal marketing department.

**This theory definitely works in reverse, but I'll save that for a later post :)